


Amorphous

by hikachuuu



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blindness, M/M, Minor Angst, sass is everywhere in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-01-15 02:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1287151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikachuuu/pseuds/hikachuuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Himchan didn’t need his sight to tell you Yongguk was beautiful.</p>
<p>Yongguk was cautious, but found those sightless milky brown eyes absolutely, soul shattering beautiful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. milky brown eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Originally intended to be a one shot and now it's a chapter story. About three to four chapters.

Yongguk went around his record shop slash café to wipe down tables as he waited for the morning rush of sleepy citizens who needed to get their caffeine fix. The bell above the door rang and alerted him of his youngest employee’s arrival. Junhong smiled and made his way happily to the back of the store to get himself ready for the day. Yongguk’s brows furrowed when he looked at the clock and wondered where Jongup was. He set the bucket of water down and pushed the door that led to the employees’ lounge open.

“Zelo? Where’s Jongup?” Junhong glanced up at him and smiled sweetly, a look of confusion upon his face. “He has to pick up his big brother from the airport remember? He requested this morning off a month ago. Daehyun should be coming in shortly to take over his shift.”

Yongguk stared for moment confused, then remembered suddenly that yes, Jongup had an older half-brother. Same mother if he could remember correctly. His older brother was in the states where he attended some special university. He couldn’t quite recall both reasons why, one of them was due to his musical genius status and the other…well he knew it was important, but it hadn’t come to mind at that moment.

“That’s right and you’re pulling that double shift today aren’t you,” He got a nod from Junhong while he worn a frown on his lips. “Well if you do get tired half way through second shift let me know and I’ll take over.”

“Don’t worry hyung! You work from sun up to sun down; I think I can handle a double shift fine. Besides I can hang out with Youngjae.” Junhong smiled sweetly, a red tint appeared on his cheeks as he spoke of his coworker fondly. Yongguk snorted and shook his head, then glanced at his young employee.

“No flirting on the job, remember that, kid.” He pushed off the wall while he chuckled as Junhong sputtered loudly. He had a feeling something today was going to change and it was going to be a good change. He liked good unknown changes; he welcomed them quite happily in his life.

That change came at exactly five fifty-two that day in the evening when Jongup came into the store, a bright smile on his face. He usually wore bright smiles, but this was the brightest smile they’d ever seen on his face. He came and went behind the counter to make an Americano, without an explanation whatsoever.

“Jongup?” Yongguk leaned on the counter a curious look on his face when stared at his employee.

“Oh! I’m making a drink for my brother, he really likes these, you don’t mind? He’s waiting outside, you guys should come meet him.” Jongup cleaned up his area after he made the drink and placed some cash in the register, even after Yongguk’s protests of “it’s just one drink it won’t affect business” and bounded happily out the door. He pushed the door open and he saw a man in one the many chairs, the mysterious man’s back to the door of the shop. He noticed a dog by his feet, while the man spoke in a deep, but happy tone to Jongup.

“Ah, you guys hurry up; you need to meet my brother. Hurry, hurry!” He’d never seen Jongup so full of energy ever. Junhong smiled and shyly as he came over with a chair at the table where they were seated, Youngjae stood next to him, silent while he observed, hand rested on Junhong’s shoulder. Yongguk finally came over and stood next to Jongup, the younger smiled even more.

“Yongguk this is my brother Himchan, Channie, this is my boss, Bang Yongguk.” He smiled and motioned between the two. Yongguk looked at the other, who wore sunglasses; Jongup helped him to move his hand in Yongguk’s direction. He suddenly remembered that other thing about Jongup’s brother.

He was _blind_.

He reached his hand out he shook hands with Himchan, upon doing so he received a dazzling smile from the other man. After the handshake he pulled his hand back he placed it in his pocket, feeling slight tingles.

“It’s nice to meet the man who’s been taking care of my brother; I hope he hasn’t been too much trouble. I know poor Junhong had to work a double shift because of me. I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh! It’s okay, Himchan hyung! I know you mean a lot to Jonguppie, so it’s okay. Uhm…” Yongguk raised a brow at Junhong who glanced at the dog every so often. “Can I pet your dog? Or is he still on service…?”

Himchan made a clicking noise and the dog stood up, he reached under the dog and he removed on the Velcro of the vest, with a gently tug the vest came off. “Tats isn’t on service anymore. You can play with him. Jonguppie, why don’t you take Tats to that park near here? He needs a break after being on that long plane ride. Besides I need to talk with Yongguk. Need to make sure you were good.”

Yongguk laughed quietly as Jongup’s face paled slightly. “I’ve been good, hyung! I promise.” Himchan raised a brown, head inclined towards Jongup. “You sound nervous, I am sure you have been I just want to make sure. You know I worry about you. Now take Tats and go.”

“Yes, hyung. What time should I be back?” Jongup grabbed the dog’s leash, but kept his stare on his older brother expectantly. Himchan hummed quietly, chin rested on the palm of his hand. “An hour should be long enough. Now go have fun, Uppie.”

“See you later, Yongguk hyung, and Himchan hyung!” Jongup smiled, before he gently tugged the dog’s leash, the dog got up with a stretch and left his master’s side. The dog glanced at Himchan then Yongguk before he trotted over to Jongup. Junhong followed happily as he pet the dog’s head, while Youngjae chatted about how pretty the dog was to Jongup who readily agreed.

Himchan smiled fondly then turned toward Yongguk, who’d taken Junhong’s place. “You have sweet workers, I’m glad my brother has people taking care of him. I always worried about that when I left for the States. Thank you.”

“Oh, no it’s okay, he’s a good kid. Gets work done and the customers, especially the young high school girls love him.” Both chuckled while Yongguk continued. “Apparently good looks run in the family from what I can see.”

“Oh my, how you flatter me, Mister Bang. From what I can hear in your voice, I can already tell it must run your family as well.” Himchan flashed another dazzling smile, Yongguk could feel his cheeks heat up at the compliment. “Tell me about yourself, Jongup says you’ve been running this place about a year and a half, is that correct?”

“Yeah, I inherited it from my gran-gran before she passed away, my sister was supposed to get it, but she owns a tattoo parlor, while my brother is too busy with his band to take care of it. So, being the youngest I was last in line to inherit it. I made some changes, so it’s more modern and added a recording studio.” His eyes never left Himchan who nodded along enthusiastically, who made little noises every now and again to show he was listening.

“Jongup said you also did music, have you recorded any tracks I can listen to?” He watched as Himchan drew his brows up so far they ended hidden behind soft looking bangs. A twitch on the corners of those pink bow shaped lips. He only wished those glasses weren’t obstructing him from seeing those sightless eyes. He gently placed his fingers against Himchan’s wrist, in a feather light touch, afraid anything more would break the other. “Sure, come with me, let me help you.”

“Not only are you a flatterer, but a gentleman. When my brother said he had a nice boss I wasn’t expecting Prince Charming.” Himchan grabbed Yongguk’s wrist and hoisted himself up grabbing his cane and drink in the process. Yongguk just laughed deeply and led the other carefully inside his shop and put up the closed sign up once they entered.

“You’re a pretty big sweet talker yourself; I could actually be the beast, _Channie_.” He teased the other gently, the younger chuckled softly his own voice held a teasing lilt. “Oh, I doubt it; I can already tell you’re just a big teddy bear. I don’t even need my sight to tell you that. Teddy Gukkie has ring to it, doesn’t it?"

“Then maybe I should call you Princess Channie?” He raised a brow and heard something akin indignant squawk from the other man. “Princess? I am insulted; I am a _Queen_ , thank you.”

“Oh, right a queen, my bad. Well then your highness,” Yongguk pushed the door to his studio open and led Himchan to a couch, where he helped him down. “Would you like any refreshments while I play some of my tracks?”

“I’m fine; I still have some of my Americano left. Stop spoiling me so much already or you’ll never get rid of me. You’ve barely known me an hour, I could be some crazy homicidal maniac.” Yongguk just snorted then opened his laptop and booted up the machine. “What? You don’t believe me? I will use echolocation and use my seeing cane as a weapon!”

“First you’re a queen, now you’re a dolphin?” He turned his chair around to give the other man an unbelieving look.

“No, you dingbat, human echolocation, it’s possible…except…”

“You don’t know how?”

“Bingo, and that’s why I have Tats.” Yongguk nodded and turned back to his laptop while he scrolled through his demos.

“He’s a pretty dog, what is he?”

“Blue-nosed American Pit Bull Terrier, he’s my first Seeing Eye dog, he’s about three years old. I actually had him specifically trained. I found him by accident one day when he was small. Can you imagine the nerve of some people? Leaving a new born puppy to fend for itself, born blind and defenseless.” Yongguk could hear the quiet strain in Himchan’s voice and he could understand why he was so upset. Being blind isn’t easy by any means from what he’s heard; he knew the other sympathized with the dog at the time. “Bottle fed him and potty trained him and once he was old enough he went to Therapy Dog School.”

There was now a hint of pride in Himchan’s voice, like a parent talking about their child. In a way he could understand, he was like that about his music.

“Now, enough of all that play me a song, your favorite one, please?” He heard the faint sound of the keyboard and then felt a hand on his shoulder; he glanced up and saw Himchan, a smile upon his lip, glasses off finally. Eyes unfocused, milky brown in color, in a way they were pretty, they suited him, this only made Yongguk wonder what they would look like if he could see, would they still be soul shattering beautiful?

“Yongguk?” Oh, that’s right, music; with a laugh he shook his head. “Sorry, was trying to find a song.” He quickly scrolled through and found one from last year, after his last relationship ended. He pressed play as a soft piano filled the room. Himchan reached around to grab the swivel chair and turned it around to take a seat; his own eyes fell closed as he listened to the song.

Yongguk could see the other had let the music wash through him, he really took in the lyrics, while he absorbed the meaning, his index finger tapped along to the beat on the table.

“Who was she?”

“Hm?” He blinked, brows drawn together at Himchan’s question. “The girl, the one who broke your heart.”

There was a quiet and tense pause followed by a simple answer.

“I left it all on the track.” Himchan just hummed and nodded his head. “The vocals are beautiful, strong; your rap goes well with the beat and the singer’s voice. Jonguppie wasn’t lying when he said you were talented.”

“I’ll let Daehyun know you think that and thank you.”

“Mm, what time is it?”

“…hm…about six fifty, I think the others will be back shortly, let’s go back up front.” Himchan held his hand out which Yongguk grabbed and helped him up. His free hand moved to close his laptop while he pushed his chair out of their way. It was quiet as he helped the other man to the front of the shop and took him to a cozy, plush chair.

“My offer still stands on refreshments, you know.” Himchan just shook his head, his smile forever on his lips. He could see now how the two were related. “I told you it’s alright, besides, I’m sure my mother is going to stuff Uppie and I with her home cooked meal until we burst. It’s been awhile since we’ve had dinner together and since I’ve had any good Korean food.”

The bell above the door rang, alerting them of the return of the others, as well as rambunctious noises from the three.

“Jae, you should have seen your face when Tats jumped on you! You looked so scared.” Junhong elbowed Youngjae who shot him a dirty look. “I was surprised, not scared there is a difference.”

“Uppie, you aren’t teaching my boy to be vicious are you?”

Jongup blinked at Himchan in surprise and quickly shook his head. “N-no! Just…I stopped by the store and bought him a toy and Youngjae had it and Tats jumped on him and—”

“Slow down, kid. I’m just joking, put the harness back on Tats. I can’t use Yongguk as my Seeing Eye person forever. Even though that would be nice…” He turned his head in Yongguk’s direction. “Now that I think about it, can I just keep you? I promise three meals a day and cuddles all the time.”

“Ew, stop hitting on my boss, oh my god, Himchan hyung!” Yongguk rolled his eyes and chuckled as Jongup gagged. “Oh, was I being obvious? I would say I’m sorry, but I am really not.”

“Well, I’ll think about it, Himchan, now go on before Jongup goes into cardiac arrest.” Jongup just gave Yongguk a look of utter disbelief and betrayal as he silently said a ‘how could you?’ and hooked on the dog’s harness and led him over to Himchan.

“Oh my, I was not expecting you to think about, a man after my own heart. I like him, Uppie; you should let me keep him.” Jongup covered his ears and shook his head. “La, la, la, la, la, la this isn’t happening. Nope.”

Junhong just patted his back in sympathy and Youngjae was just gave Yongguk this odd look as if his boss had sprouted another head or extra limbs, possibly both. Himchan was grinned like the Cheshire Cat and grabbed the handle to his dog’s harness and held his other hand out for Jongup.

“You’re too cute, Uppie. You haven’t changed at all. Still easy to mess with.” He grabbed his brother’s hand, Jongup just huffed quietly.

“Neither have you, still hitting on my friends. Here I thought this whole not knowing what they look like would stop you.” Himchan just grinned more. “Nope! He’s a sweetie, I may be blind, but I can just tell he’s attractive. Now, off we go, you know how mom gets when we’re late for dinner. Bye, everyone, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Bye everyone, see you tomorrow!” Jongup with a wave his free hand and then pulled the door open.

“Bye Himchan hyung, Jongup! Bye-bye Tats!” Junhong waved more to the dog than the other two. Youngjae waved tiredly and plopped into the chair previously occupied by Himchan. “Bye hyung, Jongup. Have a nice evening.”

“See you guys later, be safe, Jongup, call me as soon as you get home so I know you and Himchan got home safely.” Yongguk was forever such a fatherly figure.

“Will do, hyung.” With that Jongup closed the door and Yongguk looked at the other two who gave him looks.

“What?”

“Were you _flirting_ with Himchan hyung?” Youngjae inquired and leaned forward and he shared a look with Junhong. Those two sharing a look was never good.

“What? No, I don’t have time for flirting. I have a store to run and music to produce. Speaking of which I should probably start cleaning up…” He said as he carefully backed up; however there was no way to escape Junhong who attached himself to Yongguk’s arm.

“No, this is good! You haven’t been interested in anyone since…well. Her.” Junhong just pouted and tugged Yongguk to the couch. “I mean I saw how playful you were acting with him, you’re never like that with people you just met. I bet you think he’s attractive.”

 

“Well, of course. He is attractive, why would I deny that? And no, I was not flirting, let me go, Zelo. I need to clean up.” Junhong and Youngjae shared some quiet communication with their eyes and Junhong let go of him. Those two together were trouble, complete trouble.

There was no way anything they were saying could be true. All it was is that they got along very well…but if that was the case, why couldn’t he get those unfocused, sightless, milky brown eyes out of his brain?


	2. fall for a shooting star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every day for a week Himchan would accompany Jongup to work, sitting quietly in a chair while brushing fingers over the braille in his book.

Every day for a week Himchan would accompany Jongup to work, he would sit quietly in a chair while his fingers brushed over the braille in his book. Tats would lay quietly on the floor next to his feet and look up and around from time to time. Himchan was would usually hum along to whatever he had playing on his iPod at the time. On occasion he’d let Tats take a break from being a service dog and allow people to pet him. Those two made business a little busier as people came in to meet the unique looking dog. It was a sight Yongguk had become very accustomed to; he’d even replace Himchan’s drink once he’d finished his other one. On the house every time.

It earned him a beautiful smile, he wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but that was one of the main reasons for him to do it.

It was time to replace and the drink and when he did Himchan grabbed his wrist gently, it had greatly surprised the older man, who looked at the other with a confused look. Himchan was still faced forward though with a closed book in his lap.

“Hey, I have a question.” His pink lips quirked into a soft smile, Yongguk kneeled next to him, wrist still in the gentle grasp. “This Friday I’m going to Seoul’s School for the Visual and Hearing Impaired, I’m going to perform some music for blind children and I was wondering, would like to come along? If you aren’t busy…”

“Of course not, just give me a time and I am all yours.” There was a huff from Tats and whistle from Daehyun who wiped down a table near them. “Sounds like you’re being asked on a date, Yongguk hyung, get it!”

There was a chuckle from Himchan and Yongguk rolled his eyes, both had long since grown use to Daehyun’s comments. A loud groan was heard from Jongup when he told them to ‘ _get a room there are customers with small children’_. Himchan released his wrist, with a soft smile. “I’m glad then, I can’t wait.”

Yongguk stood up as Himchan opened his book back up and found his spot again. He just barely touched Himchan’s shoulder as he walked back to the kitchen with the empty cup, where he placed it in the sink. He turned around only to see Daehyun with a large grin on his face; he blinked looking from side to side, speaking slowly.

“Do you need something…?” He leaned back with his hands on the counter, Daehyun’s voice a hushed whisper.

“You like Jongup’s brother, don’t you?” He should have seen that coming, he was just going to play oblivious for as long as he could. “Of course, what’s not to like he’s a good friend.”

“No, I mean like-like, like Zelo likes Youngjae.” Yongguk scoffed, his arms crossed as he shook his head. “You can’t like a person you’ve known for a week; this isn’t some Disney movie, Daehyun.”

“Love works in mysterious ways! I mean you haven’t been this giddy and caring since Jieun.” Daehyun had stepped into hot water and he knew it, but that didn’t stop him from what he said next. “I don’t know how or why you’ve become so attached to him, maybe it’s the fact he needs someone to help him or you two are just on the same level of weird. But if you could see the way you look at him, then you—”

“Enough, Daehyun, I need to get to the grocery store to restock. This topic is done, please, just…drop it.” Daehyun just sighed and moved away from Yongguk who had an unreadable look as he left the room. With a groan he leaned against the fridge when Jongup came in.

“Alright, what did you do this time?” Daehyun blinked, leering. “Why do you automatically assume me?”

“Because you don’t know when to shut up.”

“…touché, my friend. I may or may not have brought up his oh so very obvious crush on your brother and mentioned Jieun?” He said as he very much resembled a deer caught in the headlights.

“Ah, so you do have a death wish.” Was all the younger said before he left, he was useless, Daehyun thought. All he wanted was to play Cupid and get them together, then everyone would be happy. Maybe he needed to get Junhong and Youngjae in on this.

 

Friday finally rolled around and nervous couldn’t accurately describe how Yongguk felt. The bell jingled and he looked up from the counter, Himchan walked in with Jongup while carried a guitar case. Yongguk stepped out from the back of the counter and then came to the front to greet the two. Tats wagged his tail happily when the dog caught sight of him.

“Hey, guys, morning.” He said while automatically reached for the acoustic guitar in its case.

“Ah, morning Bbang, nice to hear you, I always look forward to that.” He reached his hand out and grabbed Yongguk’s bicep, as he pulled him to his side

“Morning, hyung. Take care of my brother, okay?” Jongup smiled, but the tone was also a warning, that clearly said if anything happened to Himchan, well, in short Yongguk would be so very screwed

“Aw, Uppie, don’t worry, I am sure this big ol’ teddy bear will take good care of me.” He smiled and tugged Yongguk out the door he had pushed open with his hip. “Jonguppie is so protective of me, it’s cute, but I know I’ll be safe with you, Gukkie.”

“Isn’t it normally the other way around? The older sibling being protective of the younger?” He inquired and led Himchan down nearly empty streets. “Yes, but it’s always been like this with us. He has his reasons, especially after the accident that took my sight when I was fifteen.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” He glanced at the other who hummed in thought, silent for a minute or two.

“I slipped into the Han River, because I was doing stupid shit teenagers do, smacked the back of my head real good, was knocked unconscious and I was in the water long enough for it to cut oxygen off from my brain. The impact also caused brain hemorrhaging and the fluid buildup snapped my weak optic nerves, they were too late to drain it before that happened. I’m lucky my sight is the only thing I lost.” He shrugged like it was no big deal, but Yongguk could tell otherwise. Just by the way his grip tightened on the Yongguk’s bicep.

“Is it fixable?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to get my hopes up and…yeah. I’m used to it now, so it’s okay.” He smiled and turned his head. “Besides, it’s helped me in a way, because of this I have met so many people, and I’ve had many opportunities. I’m not sad about it at all. Not anymore.”

“You’re strong, Channie, did you know that? I mean I could never survive something like, mentally I mean. I look up to you for that.”  Himchan just shook his head, his fingers curled a little tighter around Yongguk’s bicep. “No, I had trouble dealing with it at first, I suffered worse nightmares than I had before and my depression got worse. I already issues before that, but Jonguppie and my family pulled me out of it. Music helped a lot too.”

“You’re still pretty strong for that. I don’t know many people who could do that. Don’t think so little of yourself, Channie.”

“Gees, where were you when I was younger? I could have used those words to help me faster. How dare you not show up in my life until now?” Himchan huffed dramatically and stomped his foot childishly.

“Hey, hey, I’m here now, aren’t I?” He poked the other’s side and got a quiet chuckle for his actions.

“Yes you are and you better stay, Mr. Bang. I am quite fond of you.” The tone in his voice was filled with adoration and it made Yongguk’s heart stutter. However he made a cheeky reply in return, because if he didn’t it’d be some embarrassed jumbled mess of mashed up syllables.

“Oh? Well then Mr. Kim, I am all yours.” He got a wide grin at those words. “Better stay true to your word, I was never fond of sharing.”

Yeah, he was definitely not flirting with Himchan, not at all. It was only just friendly jokes amongst friends. He really needed to stop listening to Daehyun and the Terrible Two, they gave him weird thoughts. He shook his as he noted they were at the school, unconsciously he rested his hand upon Himchan’s lower back.

“We’re here, careful, there’s stairs, then it gets flat and there’s some more stairs.” He received soft smile and a sarcastic reply. “Oh my, Mr. Bang, is chivalry your specialty? You’re going to put poor Tats out of a job.”

“Well damn, you’ve figured out my plot, I was going to woo you with my chivalrousness acts and steal Tats’ job.” He got elbowed harshly in the side and he winced. “Stealing a job is hardly chivalrous now that I think about it. I may need to rethink that whole thing on you being a giant teddy bear.”

“Told you I was actually a beast, here to steal the kingdom from the queen.” He hissed when Himchan hit him in the knee with his seeing cane. “Ow, what was that for?”

“Just because I can get away with it.” Yongguk just sighed loudly in defeat and pulled the door open where a bright and bubbly girl met them not too far in.

“Kim. Him. Chan!” Yongguk blinked when a tiny woman marched over and started to poke Himchan’s chest. “You’ve been back in Seoul for a week and you only visit me now! I am hurt, so hurt.”

“Ah, Hyosung, nice to hear you too. Yongguk meet Hyosung, a thorn in my side since knee high, Hyosung this is Yongguk, Jonguppie’s boss and my new friend.”

“Hey! I will not go easy on you just because you’re blind, have a big dog, and some han…oh, wait. Hi, I’m Hyosung, I’ve heard about you from Jongup.” Yongguk bowed, with a slight smile on his lips.

“Nice to meet you, Jongup’s mentioned you a few times before. How do you do?” She turned and motioned them to follow as she spoke.

“Wonderful actually, glad to know at least Jongup loves me. I’m the music teacher here, so I invited that butt Channie to come perform some songs for the kids. Did he tell you he could sing?” There was an evil smirk on her lips and he glanced at Himchan who only made a face at her. “You talk too much, woman.”

“Love you too, Channie, baby cakes.” She pushed a door open that revealed an empty auditorium and only got a grumble from her longtime friend.

“No, he didn’t mention he could sing…? After I showed you some of my own music, I thought we were friends, Himchan.” All he got was a pinch in his arm and mumble of ‘teaming up on a cripple, rude’.

“Oh, then I look forward to both of you performing, you will perform, right, Yongguk?” She turned and blinked innocently.

“I don’t know…we’ll see.” He just smiled, not use to this, he hadn’t performed in a while after all.

 

They sat down as Hyosung introduced them to a crowd of about hundred seventy-five students or so and plus a few adults who assumed to be teachers or workers of the school. He glanced at Himchan who had cradled his acoustic guitar like a precious child a content smile on his face. Then at the piano that had been moved to the stage for later use.

“Alright, everyone, put it up for our guests, you can ask them questions at the end.” She turned and smiled before she removed herself from the stage.

“Hey, as you know I’m Himchan and this is my friend Yongguk, who I am going to use to help me pick students to pick songs. Introduce yourself, Teddy Gukkie.” That response was met by childish giggles from the students, who ranged from five to thirteen.

“Hi, I’m Yongguk, but I guess you can call me Teddy Gukkie.” He smiled and waved only to get more giggles from the students. “Okay, kids, raise your hand if you have a request, I know plenty of songs. So don’t be shy.”

Yongguk watched as a little girl with pink cowgirl boots jumped up excitedly. “I found someone, Hyosung, the little girl in the front with the pink cow girl boots and pretty blue dress. The really excited girl.”

“Sophia, that’s her name.” He looked over at Himchan who nodded and spoke into his microphone.

“Hey, Sophia, tell me about yourself and I’ll tell you a little about me.”

“Call me Sophie and I was born in Texas, my mommy is in the United States Air Force and my daddy is Korean and from here. I’m nine years old.”

“That’s amazing! You must know English, huh? I know it too, I went to school in California, and I have a major in music and minor in psychology. What song would you like, Sophie?”

“Do you know Drops of Jupiter? Mommy use to sing it all the time when I was in the hospital. It’s my favorite song.”

The little girl reminded him of Himchan, with such a positive outlook on life, despite the huge negative that impacted them both.

“I do, want to come up here and sing it with me, Sophie? Yongguk, go get our new little friend.”

Yongguk slid off his stool as he walked down the side steps and meet Hyosung half way with Sophie and he helped her up the stage steps. He sat down on his stool when he pulled her up on his lap in front of the microphone.

“Ready?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Okay, one, two three…” Yongguk watched in completely focused as Himchan started to strum on the guitar, familiar notes floated through the air when suddenly the lyrics filled in the air. He was taken aback by how nice Himchan’s voice was, Sophie bounced and it brought him back to reality as she started to sing along, her voice cute and happy. He could hear a few other voices and smiled. He glanced back at Himchan he could see the other genuinely content to be there. He himself couldn’t help but sing long, but his English wasn’t quite up to par as the other two who sang with him.

By the end of their time there, he had not only heard Himchan sing in English, but Korean, Japanese, and even play piano. The kids were happy that they could participate along with the music activities, rather than having to just sit and listen. There were promises of being back sometime and even personal class visits. Yongguk found one more thing to admire about Himchan because of the school visit.

They returned to the shop about half past three after they had stopped at a diner for lunch. Junhong had a rag in had as he stood outside near table and waved at them and bounced happily. Something told Yongguk he was more happy about the fact the dog had returned than them.

“Hi, did you guys have a good time? There are fresh cookies, Jae made them!”

“Aish, you guys are going to make me fat with all this food,” Himchan muttered lowly as he leaned against Yongguk tiredly. “Is Jonguppie still here?”

“He said he’ll be back soon, your mom called saying she needed help with grocery shopping. He’ll be back later, hyung, unless you need to get home soon? I can take you home if you need me too.”

“No, that’s alright, I can wait. Yongguk, do you happen to have a quiet place I can lay down?”

“Sure, my place is right above this, just follow me and you can rest in the guest room.”

“You are my savior, Junhong, could watch Tats? If you tell him to lie down, he’ll stay in one spot and behave.” Junhong grinned and took the dog with a smile and nodded happily.

“Yes, of course, hyung, enjoy your nap! Come one Tats, let’s get your harness off and bug Jae.” He took the dog and entered the café, while Yongguk took Himchan to a door not too far from the café door.

“Watch your step, we’re going up some stairs, okay?” He received a curt nod while he slowly helped the other up a set of stairs, he unlocked a door when they reached a small landing, where he pushed the old creaking door open slowly. He removed his shoes and Himchan mimicked his actions.

“Your house smells like ramen, now that I think about it, you smell faintly of ramen too.” He leaned in and inhaled Yongguk’s scent, the action caused the older to freeze up for a moment. “And like coffee, it’s a weird combination, but I like it.”

He only received a deep chuckle as he was helped to the guest room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“The bathroom is two doors down on the hall on the left side, kitchen on the right side. If you need anything, there’s a phone on the night stand and one is the speed dial for my number. Do you need anything before I go?”

Himchan sat quietly, a pensive look on his face while he wrung his hands together.

“Can I…”

“Can you what…?”

“Nothing, never mind, I’m going to lay down now, thank you for spending the day with me, I really enjoyed it. I hope we’ll have many more days together of fun.”

“I hope so too, rest easy, I’ll be back to get  you when Jongup returns.”

Himchan nodded and finally settled on the guest bed, the question he had for Yongguk buzzed in his mind. He wanted to ‘see’ the other. He was going to ask permission to use touch to see him, but he had not wanted to make things weird for them.

Too bad things were already weird since he wore his heart on his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised and edited 10/6/2014


	3. best birthday ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yongguk used this moment to get Himchan’s attention, resting his hand on the small of his back, leaning forward to whisper quietly. “Come with me for a few minutes, I have to ask you something.”

Himchan sat nestled in the corner of the couch; legs tucked underneath him while he nursed a warm cup of tea in his hands and listened intently to the conversation being had. Yongguk was beside him, hand rested on Himchan’s knee as he pointed to several color schemes and discussed details with Youngjae, Jongup, and Junhong.

“I know Daehyun likes blue and grey, so that would be our best bet for his birthday party. As for dessert, cheesecake is the only thing I can think of.”

“If you don’t mind me cutting in, how about a chocolate layer cake with a cheese cake center? He and I had a very…interesting topic on desserts the other day and he mentioned that sounded good.” Himchan said as he leaned forward and placed his empty mug on the coffee table. Yongguk raised a brow and looked at Youngjae.

“Think you can manage that?”

“You insult me by asking that question, of course I can. I do almost near single handedly keep your record shop-slash-café stocked with all sorts of baked goods and serve drinks and sandwiches on top of that.” Youngjae crossed his arms and looked slightly offended and shot Junhong a glare when the younger snickered.

“You’re cute, Jae, too cute. Hyung what should I do?” Himchan laughed quietly at the hopefulness in Junhong’s voice. Yongguk paused and thought for a second. “Ah, you and Himchan have an important job, you two are in charge of the pizza and drinks. I will make call in and you two will need to pick it up, okay?”

Junhong’s eyes lit up and he nodded. “I get to spend time with Himchan hyung? Don’t worry, Jongup, I’ll make sure he stays safe with me.”

Jongup blinked and shook his head out of whatever stupor he was in. “Huh? What are we doing, what happened?”

Himchan grabbed the pillow behind him and Frisbee threw it in Jongup’s  direction, praying he wouldn’t break a vase. Luckily the pillow turned Frisbee hit him in the stomach. “Pay attention, we’re planning Daehyun’s birthday that is the whole reason Yongguk called us to his house.”

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about Pokémon and cheesy bread.” He blinked and questioned the strange looks he was getting. Pokémon and cheesy bread were _serious_ business, apparently they didn’t know the good things in life. Yongguk cleared his throat and went back to what he had said previously.

“Anyways, Jongup and I are in charge of decorations. So any other suggestions?” Jongup blinked and looked at his watch. “Ah, actually Himchan and I need to go, he has a doctor’s appointment.”

Himchan sighed and flopped against Yongguk dramatically, with a sigh and his hand draped over his eyes in a comical fashion. “No, not the doctor’s I hate that place, don’t let him take me, Yongguk, save me from the evil being that is my brother. How could you do this to me Jongup? After everything we’ve been through!”

“But you pla—” Himchan jumped up and nearly toppled over the coffee had Yongguk not grabbed his wrist to help balance him. “Ah! Aah…well we should be off, the sooner I get this over with the better.”

“The fact you’re blind really doesn’t stop you from being careless, does it hyung?” Youngjae asked with a quirked brow.

“Youngjae, I am not quite sure if you mean that as a compliment or insult, but I’ll take it as a compliment and what you’re really saying is I am a brave risk taker.” Himchan stuck his tongue out in the direction he thought Youngjae was in until Yongguk stood up, leaned over and whispered, “Other way, Channie.”

“And I knew that, just was testing you all. I wanted to see if _you_ guys knew where he was.” There was a snort from Junhong who had been on his stomach to have an intense staring contest with Tats. “I hear you doubting me, Junhong, respect me, I am your elder. If you don’t I won’t let you pet Tats anymore.”

“No, that would be mean, don’t do that to me, hyung!” He sighed loudly and rolled onto his back as Himchan reached for the harness said dog was wearing. “Huh, I didn’t think that would work… Anyways, I’m off to the doctors; if I don’t come back alive tell my wife and kids I love them.”

“Did you hear that Yongguk? Himchan said he loved you.” Youngjae grinned and Jongup blinked with a tilt his head. “But…wouldn’t Himchan be the wife?”

There was a moment of silence and a soft ‘huh’ from Junhong before the room was filled with laughter and Jongup got kicked in the shin. Which only made everyone laugh harder and wonder when the hell Himchan ventured near his brother.

“Alright, time to leave, you ungrateful little shit.” Himchan all but dragged Jongup out of the house as the younger struggled to put on his shoes with a choked uttered of ‘goodbye’.

“Those two are a handful; get them in a room together and its chaos.” Yongguk said suddenly and broke the silence as he got up to pick up empty mugs and plates. Junhong got up and settled into the spot that once seated Himchan. He leaned forward, elbows rested on his knees and chin in his hands. “Hey, hyung?”

Yongguk poked his head in from the kitchen, with a raised brow. “Yeah, do you need a drink?”

“No, I was going to say Jongup seems more comfortable with the fact you have a thing for his brother, you should ask Himchan out.” Youngjae plopped down next to Junhong, who waggled eyebrows in agreement. “You’ve been crushing on him for two months, come on, you can’t even use that bullshit excuse you haven’t know him that long.”

“I hate you both. Besides, Junhong, you’re one to talk, aren’t you?” Yongguk gave the youngest a pointed look, who just sank to the floor which only caused Youngjae to look between the two in confusion. “Huh?”

“Oh, nothing, just Junhong can’t gripe at me for not asking Himchan out when he’s hopscotching around himself in the near same predicament, huh, kid?” He leaned against the door frame and stared at the puddle of the giant child on the floor.

“Oh my god, Yongguk, shut up.” However it was heavily muffled by the pillow Junhong had tried to smother himself with. Youngjae’s brows just furrowed together as a weird look was on his face.

“…you like someone? You didn’t tell me, what the heck, man?” Junhong just groaned and banged his head against the floor, dramatic sobs masked by the fluffy pillow. Youngjae continued to pester him about it even long after Yongguk sent them back to the café to work. Junhong always knew Yongguk was secretly evil.

When Daehyun’s birthday rolled around there was quiet excitement that buzzed around, no one let on to the singer about this party. Just a call that morning saying not to come in until a broken pipe had been repaired and that Yongguk would call him and let him know when it was fixed, it was a terrible lie, but to Daehyun’s sleep ridden mind it was completely believable. Then again he also believed in aliens and that Jongup was the most brilliant mind to ever be on this planet. It was fact aliens existed, that second one though…it was debatable.

“Alright, I need my two important people, the pizza parlor is only a ten minute walk away, you know which one it is, Junhong.” Said man jumped up in a mock salute, a bright smile upon his lips. “Yes sir, boss sir! Come on, Himchan, we have important stuff to do…I don’t think we can bring Tats though…”

Himchan just smiled and stood up, shaking his head. “It’s alright, I have you, right? I’m sure I’ll be okay.” He rested his hand on the crook on Junhong’s arm as the younger started to talk animatedly about how fun this day would be. The two left the café and a silence behind, this was the moment Yongguk had waited for.

“Hey, Jongup?” He looked up from the bag of decorations he had been going through in a desperate search for tape and tilted his head looking at Yongguk. “Mm, yes? Do you know where the tape is?”

“What…? Yes, but I have a question first.”

“Is it about tape?” Sometimes this kid made Yongguk want to face palm, this kid was such a space cadet.

“No and if you let me ask my question I will give you some tape, okay?” Jongup smiled and nodded happily.

“I was wondering, if I could take your brother out, I just want to be sure if it’s okay with you, because if it’s not I totally under—” The younger groaned and rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Why would I care? You genuinely like him, as long as you two don’t get grosser and stuff I really don’t care. Hell it’s about damn time. Now give me tape.”

Well that was unexpectedly easier than he originally thought. Shame the only tape Yongguk had at the time was pink Hello Kitty duct tape from that time Junhong brought his seven year old little cousin who had cute curly pigtails and thing for fluffy pink dresses and tiaras. Surely Daehyun wouldn’t mind, even if it clashed horribly with the blue and grey.

Himchan was hummed happily while he listened to Junhong chitter about something Youngjae did or said and he could only smile. Ah, young love, how adorable, however he could only wonder why the two weren’t together yet. He was shaken from his thoughts when Junhong poked him softly.

“Hey, do you like Yongguk hyung?”

“Of course, he is a very nice man, why wouldn’t I?” He heard a long sigh-slash-groan from his companion.

“No, like-like, as in romantically. I won’t tell, I promise!” This kid was always full of surprises.

“Aha, seems you have caught me red handed. I can’t deny my attraction to him, though I am sure plenty of people are. He’s very lovely and beautiful, well personality wise.” Himchan muttered, his voice trailed off into a long mumbled speech. “I mean I’m blind what do I know on physical beauty. Though physically I am sure he is too. Besides even though I do like him, why would he like me? I’m so—” Junhong nudged the other and spoke to cut off the jumbled words he had uttered  in his mini slight rant of sorts.

“You’re rambling, you do that a lot when you’re nervous. Also you are very likeable, don’t be hard on yourself. Can I tell you how he looks at you?”

“Only if he gives me good looks, I don’t want to hear about any stink eyes.” He said with a loud huff and Junhong laugh.

“No, he doesn’t give you stink eyes. He looks at you like how someone looks at a sunset. With a dreamy expression, like you’re the most beautiful and wonderful person he has ever seen. Hyung really likes you. You need to be patient with him though, he isn’t one to tell his feelings easily. However I think soon though he’ll let you know. Don’t give up on him, okay?” Junhong glanced at Himchan who had an unreadable look on his face, but then a smile spread across bow shaped lips. Himchan’s was voice airy with a dreamy tone to it as he spoke a soft and quiet reply.

“Alright, I can do that, if what you say is true.”

The café sat quiet and dimly lit when Daehyun entered, however there was a telltale smell of pizza in the air. He was going to be highly upset if they had pizza without him. He furrowed his brows and looked around.

“Guys?”

Suddenly the main lights flickered on and popping sounds resounded throughout the room. As well as happy cheers of “happy birthday Daehyun” and “we love you Daehyunnie”. He was about to thank them, really he was, but then he saw pizza and chocolate cake with a cheesecake middle. In that moment he knew a higher power existed. He was going to be lost to the world for a while. Could you blame him, no, so rack off. The others however understand because typical Daehyun, food was his true love aside from singing and pissing Youngjae off to high heavens.

Yongguk used this moment to get Himchan’s attention, a hand rested on the small of his back and leaned forward to whisper quietly. “Come with me for a few minutes, I have to ask you something.”

“If it’s your hand in marriage, I do.”

“Something like that, come on, while the others are distracted by Daehyun trying to eat three pieces of pizza at once.” He made sure not the draw attention to himself and Himchan as he led the other to the kitchen and closed the door quietly.

“Oh my, a secluded and quiet area, are you coming onto me, Mr. Bang?” His pink lips quirked slightly in the corners as he spoke his mischievous words and raised a brow. Yongguk just shrugged, hands rested in his pockets.

“One again, something like that, I was actually wondering if you were free next Saturday, I kind of…I want to take you out. On a date.” He’d actually has this date planned for two weeks now, he didn’t even know if he’d get a yes either. He was crazy.

“Of course I will, is it dinner and a movie?”

“No, much better, dinner and movie is obviously second date material once you’ve wowed the person with some extravagant first date.” Then they heard stifled laughed and bang as the door flew open and four bodies fell to the floor. Multiple groans and grunts in pain from the culprits. Daehyun was the first to speak, voice loud and breathless.

“Best birthday ever!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised and edited 10/6/14


	4. let me see you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now enough of us being gross and cheesy, what kind of food is there?”

Yongguk fidgeted slightly, he brushed his fingers through the soft, fresh shaven sides of his hair. He knocked his knuckles quickly against the door and waited nervously for the door to open. There were barks and muffled hushes of what he assumed was “be quiet” in a soft woman’s voice. The door opened to show a small, petite woman who seemingly resembled Himchan.  She smiled brightly and bowed before she stepped aside to allow Yongguk in.

“Hello! You must be Yongguk; I have some tea ready would you like some? Himchan will be down soon. Call me Hana.” She turned and shuffled to the stairs with a loud yell, that caused Yongguk to flinch and know exactly where Himchan got his personality. “Channie! Yongguk is here, don’t make this boy wait!”

Before he could get a word in she ushered him into the kitchen where he saw Jongup tiredly munch on a bowl of Lucky Charms. He blinked at Yongguk and swallowed the bite.

“Hy-hyung! Hey! What are you doing here? Did I miss something, ma?” He was promptly smacked on the head and told not to be rude.

“Oh…oh, no, it’s okay. Mrs. Kim…Moon*…Hana…” Yongguk scratched his neck nervously as tea was placed in front of him. He sipped it quietly to avoid any more awkward conversation. He wasn’t good at this kind of stuff. This is on the list of reasons why hadn’t been on a date in over a year, among other things of course. He about spilled his tea all over himself when a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulder.

“Do I get to know where we’re going now? Or do I have to wait? Don’t pick on the poor blind guy.” Himchan smiled and pecked his cheek.

“Now why would I do that? I would never pick on you.” There was a snort from Jongup who then choked on his milk. “You two are gross, get a room. You’re hurting my eyes and ears with your sappy shit.”

“Language, Jongup! We do not cuss at the table. Now you two have fun.” Himchan got up and left the kitchen, before Yongguk could move, he got a stern stare from a woman of the stature of 5’2, with hands on her little hips. “You better take care of my baby. He may be twenty-three, but he’s been through a lot.”

“Will do, Hana. He might not be back tonight, but I promise he will be safe.” She gently pat his shoulder and let him leave. While they were leaving the house they could hear Jongup getting reprimanded for his ill table manners while guests were around. Himchan laced his fingers with Yongguk’s, sighing quietly.

“Sorry about my mom. She might be worse than Jongup, she’d follow up on her threats, unlike Uppie; he’s a big softy at heart.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.  By the way, you look very nice tonight.”

“I better or I’ll kick Jongup in the face.”

“Well…luckily for you he isn’t that tall and it’s an easy reach…?” He received a punch in the arm (and wow that hurt he had not expected that) and a rather charming smile and laugh to go with it. Well at least he knew Himchan caught his joke and wasn’t angry (because that wouldn’t have been the first time he pissed someone off before the first date had even started).  At least Himchan knew a joke when he heard it, however didn’t stop him from the insult he made about Yongguk’s intelligence.

“Stupid, Bbang.”

After they shortly stopped by Yongguk’s to pick up a few things, it was a short cab ride to the festival grounds near the Han River, a bag and a blanket slung over one shoulder and a picnic basket in his other hand, he lead Himchan through a crowd that buzzed with excitement. He found a spot, not too close to stage where they would risk the chance of where the might end up deaf, but not too far either. He stopped and he set the basket down before he set the blanket down on dewy grass, then placed the basket and bag on the blanket.

“Alright, it’s noisy and smells like…well, the river. Will you tell me now?” Himchan gave a slight pout with the cross of his arms. Yongguk was sure he was being glared at through stylish shades that hid his sightless eyes. He just tugged the other down onto the blanket gently and smiled.

“Remove your shoes and I will tell you. C’mon, princess, off with the J’s.” Himchan took a shoe off and about hit Yongguk with it when he flung it in the other’s general direction. Said “princess” made his way over to lean against Yongguk and hummed, taking in the sounds and smells as a hint. “Alright, ready to hear what it is?”

“Yes, only for a while now, Guk, been killing me here. I even asked Jongup and he wouldn’t tell me!” Himchan sighed exaggeratedly, which caused the older man to roll his eyes; this guy was a bit of a drama queen. Luckily he found that quality cute and was quite endeared by it, especially due to the red tint that would usually stain usually pale cheeks and a pout.

“Alright, alright. Every year a music festival is held near the Han River and indie groups play covers or their own works. I figured this and the little picnic I have packed would be right up your ally.” To be honest Yongguk was completely nervous. It was this or a classical music concert and he wasn’t sure he could sit for two hours in stuffy theater in a suit. That and he wasn’t a suits kind of guy, really they were terri— he jumped a little when he felt a pair of lips on his cheek.

“Stop worrying, relax, don’t be so tense, Yongguk. I prefer dates like this versus those ones where suits are required in stuffy rooms with fancy, smancy people. I like this,” Himchan stopped for a minute as he thought of what to say next, a soft smile on his lips. “It’s simple and casual and it’s less obvious people will notice my…“disability” and ask questions. This is comfortable for me.”

He felt all built up tension from the past few weeks seep from his bones. He was so glad, Youngjae was right, he worried far too much. He just needed to go with flow, then again if Youngjae had been in his shoes he’d be nervous at the prospect of another relationship of that disaster that was…no, he better not travel down that lane and ruin this date. Go with the flow, simple and easy.

“I’m glad, I had this planned before I even asked you, actually I asked your brother if I could take you out first…” He admitted nervously and rubbed his neck, glancing at Himchan who snorted.

“Oh my, I got myself a real gentleman, getting blessings first. Stupid, took you long enough, I almost had to ask you myself. Of course I wouldn’t have come up with such a good date.” He leaned against Yongguk and rested his cheek against the other’s shoulder, while Yongguk slipped an arm around his waist when the announcer came up. Himchan head-butted him lightly to gain his attention asking a rather unexpected question…

“Now enough of us being gross and cheesy, what kind of food is there?”

Yongguk snorted and grabbed the basket to pull out an assortment of things to eat. It was curtesy of Youngjae and Junhong and of no help from Daehyun who kept trying to eat everything. Now if only those two were as zealous about dating each other as they were about Yongguk and Himchan than he wouldn’t have to deal with their longing looks across the café when they assumed no one was looking. Even Himchan noticed and well…yeah, they were that obvious. So obvious it made he and Himchan look discreet and subtle. Anyways, that aside he’d have to slip them a tiny bonus as thanks.

Forty-five minutes, two full bellies, and five music acts later the two were sat comfortably and chatted about miscellaneous things. He could see Himchan had a question that danced upon on the tip of his tongue. He always had a nervous tick were he’d rubbed his own arm whenever he wanted to ask a question he didn’t know he should ask or not.

“I have a question, it uhm, it…” Yongguk glanced at the other who was now all but fidgeted nervously, bunny teeth worried at his bottom. It was cute, but he was more curious about the question, even if he wanted to see the other fidget adorably. “Can I see you…? Well, not with my eyes obviously, but with my hands. I mean if that’s weird you can say no, I just wanted—”

“Yes. I don’t mind.” Yongguk spoke as he grabbed Himchan’s hands and placed them on his cheeks. He heard the other take a sharp intake of breath as he slowly guided calloused fingers over smooth cheeks. He closed his eyes taking in the feeling of thumbs gently gliding over his eyebrows. Long fingers tracing the bridges of his nose and he heard a soft laugh.

“You’re really beautiful, your outside matches your inside.” He spoke softly as a he hesitantly traced a thumb over soft lips. “But I don’t think my mind’s eye or my fingers can truly let me see how beautiful you are.” It was unfair, for first the time in eight years he wished he had his sight back.

“I promise you it’s not all that special. Really you aren’t missing out on much.” Yongguk grabbed both of Himchan’s hands and intertwined their fingers together. Honestly he wasn’t much.

“I bet you’re unique looking and no one looks like you.” Himchan could be stubborn when he wanted to be.

“You are aware of the fact I am the youngest in a set of identical twins, right? My brother and I look exactly alike.” He laughed at the scowl he received and got nails dug into his palm.

“I bet you look better than him. I bet you have some different features. No identical twins look exactly alike. Not that I can say I have met many identical twins in my life.” He mumbled and adjusted himself so he could lean back against the older man’s side. The music that played at that moment was a serene ballad, piano striking slow notes that would eventually wind up in tempo and feeling.

“I guess you’re right. He has a mole by his ear and I don’t. He and I also have different tattoos.”

“You have tattoos? That’s so cool. When did you get them, what are they?”

“I have one on my left shoulder that says ‘Do what you like and like what you do’ and a tattoo on my left bicep that says ‘Make Art, Not War’.” He leaned back and used his arms as supports to keep both his and Himchan’s weight. “My sister did them; at her a tattoo and piercing shop in Hongdae she owns with her fiancé.”

“Everyone in your family sounds cool; it’s just Jongup, my mother, and I.” He paused for a moment before quickly adding. “My mom is a hairdresser though and owns two salons in Gangnam.”

“Gangnam, huh? If you don’t mind my asking what about your dad or Jongup’s…I mean you don’t have to answer if that’s too invasive.” He should have thought that through before he said anything.

“Mmm, I was two so I don’t remember it, but I don’t miss him. When I was three she met my step-dad, they married when I was four and Jongup was born when I was five.” Himchan traced a shapeless pattern on Yongguk’s thigh as he continued to speak. “However dad, my step-dad I mean, had always been sick and when I was fourteen and Jongup nine he died. Mom’s been raising us since, of course I didn’t make it easier when I lost my sight and fell into all that teen angst the following year. Well that’s my sob story.”

Yongguk blinked, a frown tugged at the corners of his lips. He hadn’t been aware of all that, both of the brothers just seemed so…genuinely happy like nothing bad ever happened to them in their lives. Especially Jongup who always smiled no matter what he wondered how they did that. Even their mom seemed all happy and bubbly, maybe it was the genes?

“Earth to General Yongguk! Do you read me? Commander Kim Himchan speaking! Are you there?” He was shaken from his thoughts by being poked, prodded, and yelled at, then pelted in the head with a pair of sunglasses.

“Ow! I’m sorry, whoa. Okay, sorry. I was just wondering how you guys remained so happy even after all that.”

“Mom said never worry about the past, things happen and it’s disrespectful to those who have passed by crying over their death forever rather than celebrating their life. Dad was a lot like Jongup and he’d probably say something silly to make us happy. Never worry about the past or future, just the here and now; you’ll be a lot less stressed that way.” Himchan gave his signature bunny toothed smile before resting his cheek on Yongguk’s shoulder.

“Wish someone could have told me that over a year ago…”

“Does this have anything to do with your one song you showed me was about? That one with Daehyun, the one you said you left it all on the track.”

“I…yeah. Yeah it does,” he paused while he tried to think of where to start. “Her name was Jieun; she was really pretty, smart, talent, sweet to everyone. She and I were high school sweet hearts. I always thought she was too cool for me; I was and am very introverted. She however shined and everyone knew her when they saw her. One day I dropped my notebook I kept all my lyrics in and she picked it up, glancing at them and told me I wrote beautiful lyrics.

“However we had different dreams, we dated since the second year of high school* up until last year. She and I had different dreams, she want to be an actress and was accepted into a prestigious acting school in New York. However before that we fought a lot because she wanted me to come with her and I wanted her to stay so we could record songs together and run the café. We both just decided we had different dreams and split it off. Six years and it ended over a plane ticket and watered down airport coffee.”

He felt as Himchan rubbed comforting circles along his bicep and signed a little as an acoustic song filled the air around the field. A comfortable silence settled between them as Himchan obviously contemplated what to say to him.

“Well she’s missing out on a wonderful man. I want to say sorry, but at the same time if she hadn’t left we wouldn’t be here. So maybe it happened for a reason, so some higher power could give you and me a try.”

“Maybe, when you put it that way, then yeah. I guess there was a reason. A very good reason.”

Maybe, just maybe that was the reason; if he ever saw Jieun again he’d thank her.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Revised and edited 10/6/14  
> *1 - As you know, wives in Korea don't necessarily take their husband's last names, but to express Yongguk's nervousness I had him call her "Kim" and "Moon". However Kim is her last name and Chan has his mother's last name.  
> *2 - Korean schools are different from American schools. I guess it would be equal to 11th grade/Junior yr of high school.  
> *3 - I didn't add this until now, but Jieun and Yongguk were both 16 when they started dating and broke up at 22. Before her, Guk had terrible luck with the ladies as expressed in this chapter and he's basically only homo for Channie, ok.


	5. kiss me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yongguk found those particular imperfections adorable and would have found it even cuter that Himchan’s face was buried in his neck had he not needed piss like a race horse

It was the morning that followed their date and Yongguk found himself as a living, breathing body pillow. Himchan had one leg slung over his waist, bony knee dug painfully into his upper stomach and diaphragm. The borrowed t-shirt he wore rode up partially and showed off a pale back littered with a few moles, scars, and stretch marks. Yongguk found those particular imperfections adorable and would have found it even cuter that Himchan’s face was buried in his neck had he not needed piss like a race horse. However even if he didn’t particularly want to wake up his bedmate, he really needed to use the bathroom. With a sigh he nudged Himchan, the other made a slight garbled noise as he rolled off Yongguk and snuggled into the comfortable duvet which had somehow been pushed away during the night.

“Bring me food, Guk. ‘M really hungry…” the words heavily muffled by the down filled duvet.

“Alright, I’ll go see what Youngjae made after I use to bathroom. Any preferences?”

“Raspberry filling.”

Then after that were soft snores, he snorted and left the room to quickly address nature’s call and empty his bladder. Once he had freshened up he headed down from his loft to the café below as the morning rush winded down to a few tired stragglers. Jongup looked up from the counter he had wiped down and blinked before he leered a little.

“Did yo—” Yongguk cut him off knowing exactly where that question was going.

“We talked about our childhoods and embarrassing stories then fell asleep listening to Mozart. Nothing happened. Now excuse me while I get our breakfast, is Youngjae in the back?”

“Yeah, so I take it you’re coming in late today?”

“I’ll be here in about an hour and a half. Breakfast then I’ll take your brother home and the come in. That’s not a problem?”

“No, not a problem at all, boss man. Now excuse me, I have things to attend, costumers to serve.”

Yogguk made his way to the back where Youngjae stared at the door his face covered in flour, a look of shock on his face. It was too early in the morning for all this.

“Morning…?”

“I…morning…morning! What can I do for you, Yongguk?” Youngjae replied in a frazzled voice, as he grabbed a new rag to wipe the white powder from his face. “Did you want some breakfast to go? Maybe checking inventory, or pro—”

“I was going to grab a few raspberry pastries and some coffee, but I am a little concerned about you?”

“M-me? It’s nothing…n-nothing, I just…one of those mornings.” Youngjae uttered while he fluttered around the kitchen in a haze to make up a box of baked goods for Yongguk. Said man hummed and waltzed over to the counter and next to the tipped over half exploded bag of flour was a note. He picked it up and furrowed his brows.

_Meet me at the park near the carousel half an hour after my shift today._

_-JH_

Ah, that’s why he was flustered; Junhong finally got the balls to ask Youngjae on a date. As he smiled he took the box of pastries and made his way out of the kitchen. Not without a few words though.

“Have a good day at work…and have fun with Junhong tonight.”

“I will! Thank you!” Yongguk left the kitchen and suddenly a loud ‘hey wait” resounded through the café. Yongguk simply laughed and took the drinks offered to him as the Jongup gave him an odd look. He kept a sly smile on his lips before he exited the small establishment and going back to his place. Upon the door being closed soundly with his heel, he received a yell from the hall way.

“What took you so long? I want food, Guk…” He rolled his eyes and stalked down the hallway to his bedroom where Himchan lay in a cocoon of duvets and sheets. A clump of brown hair stuck up from the pale blues and greys of the cloth.

“Well I can’t feed you if you’re all wrapped up. I have your iced Americano and raspberry filled pastries with cream cheese icing.”

There were muffled noises and slight whines before Himchan popped up with tufts of his hair sticking every which way. There was a scowl upon the younger man’s face as he reached for the offered food. Yongguk gently handed over the food and watched as the sleepy man nibbled on his raspberry Danish. He climbed back into the bed with his own breakfast suddenly felt a head upon on his shoulder.

“Mmm…you sure know how to spoil a person, dear Guk.” He felt a pair of soft lips against his cheek. He looked over in surprise and was met with a cute bunny toothed smile. “You are an excellent boyfriend.”

Yongguk blinked in surprised and tilted his head. “B-boyfriend?”

“W-was…did I…misunderstand o-or…?” He looked over to see glassy eyes, still unable to find his own voice. “Ah…you can for—”

“No! No, I…yes, yes boyfriend. I like that.” Yongguk mentally smacked himself at the words. The words that sounded a little desperate. He cleared his throat and smiled. “I mean, yes, I would like to be your boyfriend.”

The smile that lit up Himchan’s face put the sun to shame with its brightness. His eyes turned to crescents from the smile and his voice was quiet and soft as he spoke.

“This makes me really happy. You make me happy and I…” Himchan buried his face into the pillow to muffle his voice and the continuous babble that followed. In his fit of excitement Himchan dropped his drink right into Yongguk’s lap. Yongguk hissed as the icy drink drenched the front of his shorts and Himchan popped up looking mortified. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Where did it…?”

“It’s alright…just in my lap. Nothing…important was affected.”

Himchan’s face had gone paler than it usually was the look of mortification across his features. He grabbed the pillow and covered his face as he muttered into it. His face heavily flushed with embarrassment as he quietly reprimanded himself in accented English. Yongguk gently pried the pillow from his boyfriend’s face.

(Oh, _his_ boyfriend, what a nice ring)

“I’m not mad, it’s just a little liquid and it will wash out.” He smiled and cupped Himchan’s cheek while he brushed his thumb over the soft skin. Sightless eyes blinked in confusion while Yongguk’s eyes flicked down to pink, parted lips. “Uh…”

“Yes? Is something wrong?” His voice filled with curiosity as his long lashes fluttered against pale cheeks tinted with red. It was a very a pretty sight and he was so tempted to…

_Oh to hell with it._

He leaned in and pressed his lips against Himchan’s, the younger tensed up before he relaxed into the kiss, sightless eyes fell shut as he did so. Himchan’s hand came to rest on Yongguk’s shoulder while his other grabbed the loose material of his shirt the grasp tight upon the soft material between his fingers. Yongguk’s fingers moved to brush through soft locks of onyx colored hair. When the kiss ended their breath mingled together as Yongguk took in flushed cheeks and the hazy look on Himchan’s face. Himchan’s voice was breathless as he spoke, eyelashes fluttered softly.

“Maybe I should spill drinks on you more often if it gets me that kind of treatment.” He gave a cheeky grin and leaned back. Yongguk blinked looking down at his lap, making a slight face.

“Right…I’ll be back and I’ll probably have to change the bedding too.” He spoke while he slid to the edge of the bed and turned to a glance at the dopey bunny like smile on Himchan’s face. “Never a boring morning with you now is it?”

“Mmm, nope! Now go wash up while I change, I have to be home for my…” There was a pause as the other searched his mind for the word he wanted to say. “Appointment of sorts.”

“Of sorts? Another doctor’s one, you’ve been having those a lot lately.” He stood up and leaned over to push Himchan’s bangs back before he placed a kiss on his forehead. “You aren’t sick are you?”

“I am fit as a fiddle! If you don’t believe me ask Jonguppie. I’m okay, I promise. Now go wash up.” He smiled and pushed Yongguk away and slid from his side of the bed only to shuffle over to the dresser where his clothes were folded on top. “Worry wart, now go on.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll be out of the shower soon then get you home.” He left the room when Himchan grunted loudly. He snorted and closed the door quietly behind himself before he headed off to the bathroom.

About twenty minutes later Yongguk was at the sink in nothing but a towel while he brushed his teeth. There was a knock on the door before it slowly inched open and Himchan popped his head in “A-are you decent? I have a question…”

“I have a towel on, but given you can’t see a thing I don’t think it matters.” He said while he watched Himchan through the mirror as he moved towards him slowly, hand in front of him as he tried to feel around for Yongguk, his hand came in contact with the skin of his bare back. There was a soft ‘oh’ before two arms snaked around his waist and his chin on a broad shoulder. “I’m starting to wonder if you really had a question at all now.”

“I did and it was important, it was about laundry detergent for the bedding.”  He saw a grin on Himchan’s lips as he tightened his grip on Yongguk’s waist. “But then I got a little distracted.”

“There’s a little cabinet next to the washer that has everything. I can do it though, don’t worry, Channie.” He got a pout before the other left while he muttered about ‘I do what I want’ before the door shut.

That morning had been the first time in a while he had enjoyed the morning.

No more than half an hour later did he find himself and Himchan in front of a cab while the younger rolled his eyes at Yongguk’s suggestions that he could take him home. “I will be fine, it’s a short cab ride home and you already paid my fare, I’ll be okay. How about I call you or have mom text Jongup when I get home. Okay?”

“Fine, fine I will stop worrying. See you later, dear.” He kissed Himchan’s cheek and sent him on his way. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned to go into his café, going around the shop to organize the CDs and vinyl records before he moved to his studio in the back to change the café’s playlist. What a long morning it has been he thought as he sat down at his chair and turned on his desktop waiting for the machine to boot up. There was a knock on the door while he waited and Jongup poked his head in for a moment.

“Himchan’s home, thought I’d let you know.” He was about to turn to leave when Yongguk called out. The younger male froze on the spot, drowsy eyes blinked curiously.

“Why does your brother have so many…appointments lately?” Jongup looked confused and then he pursed his lips.

“…that’s not my business to tell, but he isn’t sick, I promise. I’m positive he will tell you the next time he sees you.” With that the younger left and closed the door softly behind himself, which left Yongguk to furrow his brows. This was going to bug him all day, not knowing what these appointments were for. He rubbed his temples and leaned back in his chair, a long suffering sigh left his lips shortly after.

Two days later he was once again in his studio and the door creaked open just quiet enough he couldn’t hear over the music. A figured snuck across the studio and found their target that had been at work new song. Pale arms slid around his shoulders and a chin rested up his shoulder. He about jumped when he felt a kiss placed behind his ear.

“Hi, are you busy?” He smiled when he heard Himchan’s deep voice and shook his head before he relaxed into the embrace. “Okay good, I have some news for you. Please don’t be angry I kept it from you, okay?”

“What could I possibly be angry at you for?” Yongguk watched as he pulled up the chair next to his own and as Himchan plopped down into the swivel chair. Then looked over and saw Tats had made himself quite at home on the couch in his studio. He could only snort and the dog looked at him with a happy smile on his face. He turned back to Himchan who a pensive look on his face. “Channie?”

“Okay, so you know those doctor’s appointments?” His voice had a slight quiver in it as if he was nervous Yongguk would get angry. It only left Yongguk confused.

“Yeah? You said everything was okay? Is it not?” He reached across the short distance between and took Himchan’s hand into his own. He gently rubbed circles across the top of Himchan’s hand gently. “It’s okay; I won’t be mad whatever it is.”

“They were for surgery; let me explain before you say anything, okay? The reason I came back to Korea was to spend time with my family before I had it. The type of surgery this is…is extensive. There’s a thirty-five percent chance I could receive brain damage or die.” He took a deep breath before continuing again, his hold tightened on Yongguk’s hand. “I wasn’t expecting…this…us. I’m happy though, I could feel something like this. Not many people can say they fell in love with someone’s personality right away because not everyone is blind. I think…I’m very lucky. I got to experience love at first sound. Thank you for that.

“Ah…I’m rambling. The surgery requires them to go in and replace damaged optic nerves and my corneas. Plus it requires I go back to L.A. since the leading optical surgeon resides there, she’s world renown. The success rate is low…but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. I wasn’t sure when I first came back if I was going to do it, but then I met you and I…I want to. It’s self of me because I want to see you. I really do. I just ask for your support, okay?”

With that Himchan ended his speech with a sigh, his eyes glassy with over flowed emotions and Yongguk leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Himchan’s lips. After the kiss he mumbled quiet words again the other’s lips.

“If it’s something you want, then I support it. I’ll be with you every step of the way I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dusts off story* I'm so sorry. However before I finished this chapter I went and revised all other chapters. Now it doesn't always jump between past and present tense. It's very consistent now. I did that rather than study for a test, hurrhurr. Also kiss scenes how to? This story will 100% end next chapter. Right now the word doc for this has 13,398 words and 29 pages. I feel like half this story was fillers to be honest. Love it? Hate it? Constructive words? Let me know! Thank you to all who commented, upvoted, read, you are fantastic BABYz! ba dum tss! Nooo....ooookay Oh, yes, optic nerve surgery I mention here does not exist and at the moment is scientifically inaccurate and impossible! But for the sake of the story pretend.


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